Before the realities of life and self doubt did their best to discourage it in us, most young girls wanted to be part of something grand and important. There was a sense of something in them that the world needs, despirately. The desires God has placed into the heart of every woman are clues to who she really is and the role she is to play, but many of us have come to despise our desires or set them aside.
A woman wants to be loved and desired for who she is, to feel wanted, fought for, to be romanced, needed to play an irreplacable role in a great adventure, and to be appreciated. That is what's at the core of every woman's heart and the most important part of her. When those things don't happen, the heart of woman is wounded and diminished.
As young women we are told we can be and do anything, but then we are limited by the expectations of others. We are not enough and too much at the same time. We are expected to be busy, efficient, professional, disciplined, composed, and tired from carrying out so many duties and meeting the demands of others. In our subconscious, we are trying to prove our worth and make ourselves indispensable to make up for our inadequacies. We are expected to be more masculine and not too emotional or needy. I'd been a Tom Boy and my fathers son. I was expected to be physically strong, emotionally tough, yet kind and gracious. I had no idea what it meant to be feminine. So I tried harder.
I tried to live up to the infamous icon, "The Proverbs 31 Woman," and felt like a failure. Our deepest fear is we will be abandoned and alone. We feel unseen, even by those closest to us. We feel unsought — that no one has the passion and courage to pursue us. Yes, they must get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside, but where is the prince who will slay the dragon, climb the tallest tower, rescue us from cruelty and protect us. What if the man in your life is the source of cruelty? We learn that above all else, 'guard your heart.' The heart is our source of life, creativity, courage, conviction, compassion, faith, hope, and love. That's what makes a woman come alive and were we die.
Many of the desires women have are gone unmet, or been assaulted, or simply so long neglected that they end up living two lives. On the surface they are trying to measure up to what the world expects of them and inside women lose themselves in romance novels and movies, or fill the void with food or some other addiction to numb the ache in their hearts. We are getting by, but not living the life we want or were meant to live and that hurts too. Sometimes the idea of living as a hermit with no demands, needs, pain, or disappointments is tempting, because we've been hurt, and we are worn out. I tried it for many years and I can say from experience, you will lose your mind, yourself and your health. But more importantly, God can't use you there. He has big plans for you.
How does a woman begin to heal from the wounds and tragedies of her life in a world that is not supportive and can be down right brutal and demanding, like a war zone? What places in your heart are crying for healing? Where have you lost hope?
Some time between the dreams of her youth and yesterday, something has been lost. We look for affirmation from the world, but it will not come from there. Healing happens when we stop looking for something or someone outside of us to heal us, and we make it happen from the inside. We must find that little girl inside who looked in the mirror and was captivated with her image looking back at her. That little girl was in her glory, unashamed of her desire to delight and be delighted in. The way she wishes the world sees her, is how she needs to see herself, through her own eyes and no-one else's perception of who or what they think she should/n't — be filtered through their biased opinions and twisted perspective. What she wants to hear from the world, she needs to tell herself. The world has lied to her and she must replace those lies with truth. The truth of who she is — lovable, approachable, acceptable, beautiful, and enough. She just needs to step into her personal power, claim it, own it, move through the world in it and reflect that positive energy into the world.
When a woman accepts herself as she is, loves the person she has become and steps into her personal power, she is a "10". There are no flaws, because God has made her as she is, for the purpose He had in mind before she was conceived. He didn't make a mistake when he made you as you are, which is perfect — in His perception. If God sees you that way, so should you.
A confident woman who moves through this world in her personal power is beautiful, passionate, powerful, adventurous, courageous, and a warrior. Life becomes a great adventure, not merely for adventure's sake, but for what it requires of her for others and with others.
Our lives were meant to be lived with others. The world needs us. Not the worlds version of "us," but the authentic person inside you that makes you unique. What is it you are here to give to the world? That is your purpose and passion.
It is important to regularly schedule time for yourself for physical rest, nourishment of the soul, self care, reflection, and to recharge your emotional batteries. This is not a standard for you to meet or fail trying, or a new set of rules to live by. It is what has been missing for far too long. We expend so much of our energy doing for others while sacrificing ourselves. There needs to be balance, which is far better for everyone.
The desire to be beautiful according to the worlds standards has caused many women untold emotional grief and physical harm. The issue of beauty runs deep, but external beauty without depth of character is not true beauty at all. You are more than a number on a tag, scale or tape, which is a masculine strategy that doesn't work for the feminine mind and diminishes her. Do you know women to are confident in their body and love themselves? They do want to look nice in the clothes they wear, but their focus is on giving their gift to the world; not on superficial things.
The woman who captivates the world is confident in who she is, loves herself without conditions and radiates that positive energy into the world. How she sees herself is how the world will see her and reflects that back to her. How do you want the world to see you? That's how you must see yourself first, not the other way around. The world is looking for your rare and beautiful depth of spirit. The original is always much more valuable than a copy; fake. It's not about dressing up and makeup, because that is superficial. The right man will long to find and offer his strength to a woman who is confident in who she is. That is what's attractive to a man. His attraction to her authenticity allows her feminine heart to flourish. He draws out her beauty and she inspires him to be in his full personal power as the 'hero' in her story.